As I have realized in the past couple of weeks, I don't want my life to be a monotonous mix of getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth, plopping on the couch, watching reruns of Total Divas (my new obsession), eating some food and then repeating. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING.
We often queue up our Netflix, DVR, or YouTube all while neglecting to queue up our own lives; the things that matter and that we will actually remember. The process is simple. JUST KIDDING. Its totally not, but don't worry, you can do it, I promise. I guess I cannot give you a solid answer because I am still in the process of defining what it actually feels to BE alive. Not just like the breathing and heart beating stuff, but actually being alive, like I am alive in my own body, ya know, just chillin' on this Earth. I make everything harder than it needs to be. I buy into the crappy infomercials on TV. I get sucked into basically any sale item at Target even if I don't need it. I make things complicated just to add a little excitement to my life. I care way too much about what people think about me.
Basically, I care too much about getting my life together. If there is anything more overrated than having your life together, then I don't know what is. I care more about my future plans than my plans right now in the moment and care more about how I look in a selfie than having a life that is worth photographing and saving in a picture album to be passed down in years to come.
I mean, I could just totally forgo all life and live totally off the grid...... HAHAHAHA. No. Not happening. The part that I am struggling with is how to be a "free" human being and live my life freely while also feeling the need to be a functioning member of society.
How do live the crap out of your life? How do you even know what it feels like to be alive?
After I sat in my bed whining for quite a while I did what every normal adult would do. I blasted some Iggy Azalea and cleaned my room while I totally ugly danced all over my room while singing into a hair brush. So adult of me, I know. I want there to possibilities and opportunities in my life. I want to create a life that I can be proud of in the future. I am unsure of the type of memories I want or the kind of life I want to create (all I know is that if it includes Channing Tatum, I'm totally game.) All I know is that as I flailed awkwardly around my room I felt alive. Like really alive. And I plan to take advantage of that moment, one ugly dance at a time.
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What am I listening to?